I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
