he thought i was a dude.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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