He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
