I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
