I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
