OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
