3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize