When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
