She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
