if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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