Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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