omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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