you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
