i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
