The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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