my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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