is your mom at the bar?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
