You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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