When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
