You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
