There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
