turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
