if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
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direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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