Too much gin, very little bucket
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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