i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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