his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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