Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
