Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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