How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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