i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
