I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet he comes in French.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
