am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
