I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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