That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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