Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
