I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
