i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
