after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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