I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize