Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am available for nakedness
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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