My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...