Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM