I bet he comes in French.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
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I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he fucked my hip out of place.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable