Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!