Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.