I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
