I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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