Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
