all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to make out with him forever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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