I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
