And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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