I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
