I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
And then he peed in my hair
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