i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How naked do you want me to be?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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