ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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