we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
