I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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