I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize