Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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