i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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