if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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