Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
