it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
