I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
