had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
