First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
