marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
