false alarm. still invincible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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