literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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